Politics Jokes in English

Table of Content

1- Politics Jokes in English

2- Politics Jokes with Images

3- Funny Politician Jokes

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.
The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’, and the word ‘ticks’, meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’.
In politics it is necessary either to betray one’s country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate.
‘Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.’
A politician is a person with whose politics you don’t agree. If you agree with him, he is a statesman.
‘ The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it’.
I don’t think we should go to the moon…I think we maybe should send some politicians up there.
Today’s public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can’t read them either.
It is fast approaching the point where I don’t want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job.
On my arrival in the United States I was struck by the degree of ability among the governed and the lack of it among the governing.’
We have a deeply divided body politic. Half of our population believes our elections are broken, the other half believes they are fixed.
‘Although he is regularly asked to do so, God does not take sides in American politics.’
Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.

Politics Jokes with Images

Funny Politician Jokes

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
My choice early in life was between whether to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there’s hardly any difference.
I offered my opponents a deal: “if they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them”.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen.
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. – Charles de Gaulle, French general & politician.
Gordon says, ‘Look in the box Tony, isn’t that cute? Look at those little kittens. Och aye laddie, tell my friend Tony what kind of kittens they are.’
‘ What?’ Gordon says, ‘I jogged by here the other day and you said they were Socialists. What’s changed? ‘Well, ‘the lad says, ‘Their eyes are open now.’
“Oh, there’s just one thing,” said the curate. Suppose the Liberal Democrats have the majority, what number would you want me to put up in that circumstance?”
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
Washington DC Newsflash: A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: ‘Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed’. ‘OH NO!’ the President exclaims. ‘That’s terrible!’
There are two things that are important in politics. The first is money, and I can’t remember the second.
Gordon Brown is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious he runs over to the child and says, ‘What’s in the box sonny?’ To which the little boy says, ‘Kittens, They’re brand new kittens.’
A couple of days later Gordon is running with his colleague Tony Blair and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead. Gordon says to Tony, ‘Watch this.’ and they both jog over to the boy with the box.